I didn’t accurately gauge the amount of spoons I had and now I’m sitting in bed completely worn out and incapable of doing the work that i need to do.

it’s hard not to feel demoralized.

The cultures of negativity and competition are so toxic, irritating, and easy to fall into.

Lingering pain and fatigue.

“I know Black people and Asian people have worked together in the past, but have we ever formed a solid whole? And who is to blame for the fact that we have never had solidarity? The hashtag [#BlackPowerYellowPeril] implies that both “sides” play an equal part in the failure to form solidarity. In the face of this, confessing our sins to each other forms the moment where we can form emotional bonds: “see, you were as racist as I, and how unfortunate it is that we let old whitey come between us. Never again will whitey make us part.” This is the logic behind much of the Asian confessing – white supremacy duped us into being antiblack racists – and also fed into the backlash aimed at blacks – “stop playing oppression olympics, that’s what whitey wants.””

Nicholas Brady and John Murillo III, Out of Nowhere: “Black Imperative: A Forum on Solidarity in the Age of Coalition” [x

"This is because “coalition” politics and possibilities are fetishized, not loved. The fetish denies the necessary recognition of antiblackness at coalition’s heart, and that antiblackness left unattended renders the imperative illegible. It is a fetishization, then, of antiblackness. The fetish object at the heart of the coalition has always been black flesh – a fetishization where pleasure and terror meet to create the bonds of solidarity people so desire."

(via mudras)

I honestly don’t know what to make of this excerpt and I’m going to have to revisit this and read the article when I have time.

(via softvulgarities)

I’ve lost the ability to navigate all-white spaces with any seriousness. It just does not matter to me how I’m perceived and people are generally clueless so it’s whatever.

I have good, close, loyal friends who know what I’m about. I have folks who care a lot about me, who I have built with and am building with, who know that I am genuine, trustworthy, and compassionate and willing to show up and throw down for them whenever and in whatever capacity I am able. I have folks who know that I am fierce and tough and unafraid, who appreciate and value me, who will defend me and be there for me in the same ways that I have been for them.

I am loved and supported.

Do not start shit with me unless you want to face our collective rage.

I just want to stop feeling hurt and whatever else this other thing is. Disappointed?

I feel so dumb.

I’m so emotionally drained right now. I’m very tired.

Who else has ever felt restless and tired at the same time?